Show, Don't Tell
One of the cornerstones of writing advice is "Show, Don't Tell".
If you've never heard of it, let me give you an example:
"Nick was ashamed of indulging in junk food again."
This is Telling.
"Nick poured the last Cheerios into the bowl, milk splashing over the littered desk surface. He couldn't shake the guilt that clung to him like the dried sugar spots on his computer keys - sticky reminders of a promise he'd just broken again."
This is Showing.
Now...
Which version do you feel more connected to ?
Which image is most vivid in your mind ?
"Show don't tell" is not just great writing advice.
It is great advice, period.
You should apply it to your life.
Take parenting, for example.
I see many parents going out of their way to explain things to their kids over and over again, only to enact the exact opposite within the next minute - or worse on a consistent basis - sometimes right in front of them.
It can be as obvious as telling them to "stop eating so much junk food" while keeping a kitchen drawer packed-full of sweets and salty snacks, indulging more than one cares to admit.
It could be less obvious, as when they hear "I don't have time" but see you playing video games or scrolling on your phone all day, and spending your nights watching Netflix.
Either way, the constant abuse of their candor under the guise of your inherent authority just goes to show one thing: a serious case of mindless parenting.
Kids are not stupid.
While any fool could mistake their blind submission to power for the absence of reasoning, there is no lack of evidence that children - even as young as three years old - experience cognitive dissonance from the disparity between their parents' words and actions.
This slowly undermines their trust in whatever you say.
With words being your primary conduit of values and education, the situation will quickly spiral down into relationship-hell.
But are the parents really to blame ?
This question deserves more than a few hundred words to answer.
I'm sure we'll touch on that topic again, but here's a handful of things to consider just for starters.
My short answer is yes. Absolutely. One hundred percent.
Let's give them the benefit of the doubt though, lest we ignore the damage done by the so-called “progress”.
As technology keeps flooding our lives and connects us to more and more people we've never met, it also disconnects us from our tangible reality.
Consequently, the distance between our words and actions grows ever wider as the potential cost of pretending to be someone else proportionally shrinks closer to none.
Such are the stories we tell the online world. Crafted from the highlights of our day and carefully selected words all thrown into the ether.
But the former is just a fraction of our lives, and the latter often bears no truth other than exposing the unmet expectations we’ve set for ourselves.
This digital fantasy inevitably rubs off on our life as we start posturing even in real conversations.
And that’s how you end up telling things while acting just the opposite without even a second thought.
So, that was one angle on the matter… Rant mode off.
But this reveals a more fundamental problem: if you’re not thinking all this through, you’re not acting responsibly as a parent.
You might have heard it a million times…
Children are a gift.
But this is just Telling.
Children are copycats.
They will reflect you infallibly.
They will mirror your behaviors, your habits, your lifestyle.
They will teach you to organize your life.
They will bring you to see the things you've taken for granted before.
They will thirst for your guidance in questioning the world, and by helping them formulate their worldviews, you will dust-off and finally articulate your owns.
They will reflect your deepest flaws, leaving you with no choice but to fix yourself in order to save them from your shadows.
So don’t be so hard on them with words, focus your energy on becoming a better person.
The rest will take care of itself.
This is Showing.